I was thinking recently about Spiderman. He obtained his superpowers after being bitten by a radioactive spider, which when you think about it is a lot better than what he would have got if he’d been bitten by a regular spider – big blister, rash, headaches, nausea – I mean he really lucked out.
The reason I was thinking about Spiderman was that I wondered where my superpower came from. And what is my superpower you ask? Why I can turn any type of cord into a jumbled impenetrable mass in a ridiculously short period of time. I mean it. You should see my phone cord at work. I always have to use the speaker phone because when I try to lift up the handset the cord is so twisted and knotted that I end up lifting the whole phone. Many people have tried but no one can entangle the phone card. It is a modern day Gordian Knot.
Yes, the Gordian Knot – do you remember that story? The way it goes, as I remember it, is a very long time ago, in the middle of this town, there was a huge knotted thing and someone name Gord or Gordia put it there and said whoever could unravel it would be become king. It’s kind of like the sword and stone from King Arthur but because it’s untangling a knot it’s not as dramatic. Picture a bunch of folks trying to untangle a big knotted mess, I mean how exciting is that (and I can tell you it’s not very exciting because I see folks trying to untangle my phone cord all the time and it’s frustrating for them and boring for me).
Anyway Alexander the Great rolls into town, sees the knot, takes out his sword, cuts the thing in half, thus untying the whole thing, and is proclaimed the king (that’s basically it – really it is I didn’t make this story up – you can check it out). Now please don’t try this with my phone cord because a) It won’t make you royalty, and b) I’ll just have to buy a new phone cord which will, in five minutes, become hopelessly entangled again.
You may be thinking, what a 20th century problem – we don’t really need phone cords anymore because we have our cell phones. And sure, that’s true, but my superpower extends to all cord like things. So my headphones for the aforementioned cell phone, are always incredibly tangled. I watch in envy on the subway as folks take out their headphones and causally plug them into their phone while I spend the entire ride trying to untangle the mess that are my headphones and cord.
And of course this gift – or curse – extends to my time with Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room, the band that I am honoured to be a part of (and to whom these missives must inevitably refer). Now if we were really totally and completely acoustic then my cord curdling abilities would be of no concern. But that isn’t the case. I do have some cords that allow my mandolin (God’s perfect little instrument) to be heard above the din of some of the more raucous and loud instruments – and that’s not to mention the bagpipes, I’ll get to them later. When we have a gig – which, thanks for asking, will be Sunday March 24 at the Free Times Café (College just west of Spadina) – it takes me 15 to 20 minutes just to untangle my few little cords to let me plug in and be heard. There are times when I entertain the notion of just slicing the cords to little bits – a la Alexander the Great – but realize that this would be counter-productive. And our Gordon, because there is a real Gordon in Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room, would not approve at all and that so that makes cord slicing a big Gordian’s Not (and that was a lot of work to just get to this pun).
Anyway, we’d love to see you March 24. The show starts at 8 – well the music starts at 8, if you want to see me struggling to untangle my cords that show will start around 7.30. In honour of what I hope will be a week of daytime temperatures above zero (according to my cord free cell phone) there will be no cover.
Hope to see you there.
P.S. Astute and regular readers will note that this show is the fourth Sunday of the month rather than our regular third Sunday. The reason for this is that the third Sunday of March is always the Juno Awards, and this year, when we were drawing up our schedule, we booked that day off in case we received a nomination in the “Band That Regularly Torments their Audience with Bagpipes” category but for some reason they decided not to give out that award this year which is too bad because we were a lock to win.
|March 24th Set List:|
|Set #1:||Set #2:|
Sisters Of Mercy
Where Does Love Go
Cheaper Than Ice
Have I The Right
I’m A Believer
|Lost On The Bayou|
Hasn’t Hit Me Yet
The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down
I Should Have Known
Beer And Chips
Nigel’s Love Song
Lay Down Sally
Every Time You Walk Into The Room
Handle With Care
Get Us A Billion
She’s Not There