May 19th @ Free Times Café

I’ve been travelling the last little while – I’ve been in Ottawa and Vancouver – and I’ve seen the same TV commercial in those cities that I’ve seen in Toronto and I feel compelled to tell you about it.

The commercial is for a dating site called Silver Singles. As you might gather, it is a dating site aimed at older folks – who apparently are all made of silver. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with a dating site for older people, we all need love and whatever works is fine with me. So it’s not the fact that there is a dating site for older folks that bothers me about the commercial.

The ad opens on two healthy, fit older folks (a man and a woman) having a drink from huge wineglasses. And what it about these gigantic wineglasses by the way? They appear designed to hold half a bottle in a glass but still look like you’ve just had “a splash.” Anyway that is not the issue with the commercial either. These are two adults, if they want to kill a bottle of wine between them on a first date that’s certainly OK with me.

The problem with the ad, the thing that moves it to the realm of impossibility and absurdity, is that this handsome older couple drinking a bottle of wine between them in huge wineglasses are doing this while sitting on the floor – and that is just crazy. Unless they are having a drink after being swept up by a passion that couldn’t be controlled and have just finished making love on the floor (which is unlikely because they are immaculately dressed with no bits of clothing hanging out) or one is helping the other who has fallen to the ground stricken by some illness (also unlikely because they are looking into each other’s eyes smiling and laughing and no one is on their cell with TeleHealth Ontario waiting to be told to take the person to the emergency room) then there is no way two older adults are going to have their first date sitting on the floor.

For those who are unsure of why this is so unlikely let me explain it to you. Sitting on the floor isn’t easy for anyone and it isn’t easy at all when you are in the “silver” category. Even if one of them doesn’t seize up with a cramp in their foot or thigh (an almost inevitable occurrence but I suppose a quick way to move the relationship to the “touching each other” stage) there is the virtually insurmountable problem of getting up from the floor in any sort of dignified or attractive manner. Because whatever skills, gifts and talents each of these fine folks have, they will both look pretty sad grasping at whatever they can find to pull themselves up or rolling over on all fours to eventually find a way to stand up. The getting up from the floor thing is such a buzz kill that both of them will likely sit there until one or other passes out from the wine allowing the survivor to haul themselves upright and then get out of the house. Unless of course it’s their house, in which case they will hopefully find a pillow and a blanket for the other person and wait in another room so they don’t have to observe them waking themselves up from a few restful hours sleep on a hardwood floor.

And that is why, ladies and gentlemen (wait for it) the fine folks at Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room (finally) only perform in venues where our attentive listeners can enjoy music seated on chairs. Because our music is enjoyed by folks of all ages – from nine to ninety – and we want everyone to be comfortable. Not only are we fine musicians; we are thoughtful ones too.

This month you can see the Living Room at our usual haunt, the Free Times Café (College just west of Spadina) on Sunday May 19. The show starts at 8 and in honour of the arrival of spring (also finally) there will be no cover. And best of all, Monday May 20 is a holiday in honour of some dead monarch who maybe had something occur in her life in May but really who cares, we just like the day off.

Hope to see you there.

Jonathan

P.S. Apropos of nothing in the missive so far, did you know that current U.S. Attorney General William Barr, played the bagpipes. Something to ponder.

May 19th Set List:
Set #1:Set #2:
Vision, Glendaruel Highlanders
Dirty Old Town
Victoria
Straight Street
Pamela Brown
Nobody Answers When I Call Your Name
Get Us A Billion
Wedding Dress Lament
The Reason I Left Mullingar
Darkest Hour Is Just Before The Dawn
New Speedway Boogies
Dream Lover
Nights In White Satin
Redemption Song
Roddy McCorley
Log Drivers Waltz
Beer And Chip Ball
One Of Us Cannot Be Wrong
Barretts Privateers
Changes
Cold Water
Paradise
Lily Hoskin
You Only Live Twice
Kicker Of Elves
Crazy Love
Red Rubber Ball