Um, Jonathan is upside down right now, and can’t come to the phone.

But, don’t despair, there will be bagpipes (in honour of Jonathan’s trip to the Fire Country) Sunday, February 16th, at the Free Times Café, starting at 8pm as usual.

Please join us for another evening of kid friendly fun:
Some Burns. Some Scottish music. Some dance.
Lottsa whisky and/or ice cream. Greet your neighbours.
….and …of course, the Haggis!

Note: The Bar Celebration will be at:
The Free Times Café – 320 College St., at Major
8:00 pm till closing

I don’t like to assume that just because I do something that other folks do it too, but I’m pretty sure most people reading this missive, and most people generally, have a list of their favourite lawsuits – it can’t just be me, can it? And so I assume that while most folks have a top 50, their favourite lawsuits change over time. And that goes for me too – see we have so much in common! And while I don’t have one special favourite, the lawsuit between the World Wildlife Fund and the World Wrestling Federation is always in my top 3.

You don’t remember that one – it’s real, and I mean it’s really real, it’s not like some of the things I write about and say are real but maybe aren’t actually real, this was a really real lawsuit. And what makes it even more fun is that the World Wildlife Fund won. Yes, a bunch of people dedicated to saving cute animals (well all animals and the planet generally but their logo is a panda so you know they are going cute) triumphed over a huge conglomerate whose posters feature The Hulk, The Rock, The Undertaker etc. That’s why the World Wrestling Federation is now World Wrestling Entertainment – yes the World Wildlife Fund forced the World Wrestling Federation to turn their F into an E – which kind of sounds like a weird but painful wrestling move.

Despite this loss, and it was without a doubt a loss, the (now) WWE has continued to prosper. One way they have done that is that they know that folks are motivated not only to cheer for their heroes but also to cheer against villains. That’s why every WWE bout features a good guy or guys or gal or gals against a bad guy or guys or gal or gals. And the good guys don’t always win, no, because the WWE is there to teach us valuable life lessons. Life lessons like, when things are looking rough and all hope seems lost, it is always a good idea to hit someone over the head with a chair. I can’t tell you how often that has come in handy for me.

And the creative use of chairs is not the only thing I have taken from the WWE. I have used some of those other lessons to help fuel the meteoric rise of the band that I am proudly part of – Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room – to the pinnacle of musical success and stardom (that is if you assume the pinnacle of musical success is playing once a month at a little bar in downtown Toronto for over 15 years in a row – and I certainly can’t think of a better measure of success than that).

Getting back to the life lessons from the WWWE, I have taken the heroes and villains idea and modified it just a bit. In our case it’s bagpipes. Regular readers of these musings will know that sooner or later I always get around to insulting, rubbishing, and mocking the bagpipes. Some people love this and some people hate it, but it gets folks fired up, it gets them thinking about the band. Like a villain in the WWE, you may hate me for my bagpipe disses but you keep coming back. And the WWE analogy doesn’t end there. At the end of the night, after the ring goes dark, everyone in the WWE gets together because they don’t really hate each other. Same thing for me, I don’t really hate the bagpipes, but, for the sake of band I keep on with it because it works.

This month you have two, yes two, chances to see the Living Room in action at the Free Times Café (College just west of Spadina). We have our regular third Sunday of the month gig on January 19 at 8 pm and then our annual Robbie Burns Show (all bagpipes all the time) on, when else, Robbie Burns Day, Saturday January 25. On the 25th the music will also start at 8 but the bagpipes won’t make their appearance until around 9 (but you’ll probably want to get there early for this one). And as a further incentive (?) there will be haggis. And in honour of our playing two gigs in a month there will also be no cover at either show.

Hope to see you once or twice this month.

Jonathan

P.S. All that stuff about me not hating the bagpipes, it’s all a lie.

Technology gets blamed for a lot of things these days and it’s not always fair. We can’t put all of our failings at the door of Apple and Google and Facebook, much as we’d like to. Still, that doesn’t take Big Tech off the hook completely. For example, I think we can all agree that technology is at least partially to blame for a decline in the level of politeness in today’s society.

You might think that this is a reach, but you’re wrong – just like you’re wrong about everything else, you dummy!!! Sorry about that – not sure where that came from. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the lack of politeness in today’s society and why technology is to blame.

Think about how we ask our artificially intelligent voice activated devices to help us out. In order to get their attention we have to say “Hey Siri” or “OK Google” or just “Alexa” – that’s all a bit abrupt and pretty informal. But we don’t really have a choice.

If you want to know what song has the lyrics “cat’s foot, iron claw, neuro-surgeons scream for more” you can’t go “Excuse me Siri, I don’t want to bother you but I’m curious about some lyrics that I can’t seem to get out my head.” Siri can’t help you unless you start your sentence with “Hey Siri.” You may feel that you don’t really know Siri well enough to start a conversation with a causal “Hey” but too bad, that’s the only way she’ll talk to you.

And once you get their attention you have to get right to the point. There is no room for small talk. You can’t start by idly commenting on the weather before asking what you really want to know, which is who won the Oscar for best song in 2003, because Alexa will annoyingly interrupt you tell you what the weather is when all you are looking for is a polite “yeah, that snow is a drag isn’t it” before getting to the real question.

And as for Google, much as you would like to start the conversation with “Would it be OK if you stopped listening in to everything I said and then cluttering up my inbox with offers for restaurants after I asked someone else, not you, what do you want for dinner” and then asked for a recipe that used artichokes, quinoa, and tuna – that won’t work because Google’s attention span is way too short.

Is it any wonder then that this informality, this abruptness, this immediately direct questioning has seeped from our digital interactions to our dealings with real people. No. it isn’t.

At this point in this missive you are probably doing two things. First you are nodding your head and quietly admiring the insights and wisdom conveyed so far and maybe even thinking “That Jonathan brings such a welcome perspective to the burning issues of today – I guess I’m pretty lucky to be reading this” (hey, a guy can dream can’t he?) and second, “When is he going to get around to Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room.” And to the second point – I am going to do that right now.

On December 22 (the fourth Sunday in December) Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room will be holding our annual, and much beloved, all-request show. Yes, it’s back again as it is every December – because we need holiday traditions we can rely on.

And just as not everyone can be home for holidays, not everyone will be able to be at the Free Times Café (on College just west of Spadina) at 8 pm for the show, but even if you can’t make it, you can still be part of the show by voting for the tunes you would like us to play. It’s easy – just click on this link http://www.galr.ca/vote/ and you will be magically transported to our site where you can pick from over 350 songs – and that is not a typo, there are over 350 songs on the site.

So please, peruse the site and vote. And for those of you who do attend, in honour of the holidays there will be no cover.

Hope to see you there.

Jonathan

PS. You know what else is abrupt, direct and just all in your face – of course you do – bagpipes.

I’ve always been a bit of a sports fan, but until recently, as in last year’s magical playoff run by the Toronto Raptors (pause to think back how exciting that was), I never really paid much attention to the NBA – the National Basketball Association.

I am giving it a bit more attention now that the Raptors are the defending champions (that does sound good, doesn’t it?), but I’m not a huge fan. For example I don’t think I could name all the teams in the league. I do know that the team in Utah is called the Jazz which has to be stupidest name in professional sports. Admit it, when you think “jazz” pretty much the last place you think of is Utah. The most famous musical group from Utah is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir – and whatever you think of them, they ain’t jazz.

A couple Sundays ago (a Sunday when Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room – that wonderful band of which I am a member and whose very existence is the raison d’être for these missives – was not playing) I found myself in Stratford. I wasn’t there for a pilgrimage to the holy sites of that city’s most famous person – Justin Bieber – but rather to see a matinee at the Stratford Festival. You see, in addition to being a music lover, and a bit of a writer (I mean you are reading this, aren’t you), I am also a theatre-goer – I guess you could say I am a real lover of the arts – and I’ve been told it’s not bragging if it’s true.

After the play we strolled the main streets of Stratford (or perhaps more precisely the main street of Stratford) deciding where we would eat. We chose a brew pub which featured local beers and a menu drawn from the local meats and produce of the area. It looked fine and it was, in fact, very nice. I have to note however, that their local vegetable for the month – one that had a place of prominence in many of their dishes – was daikon radish. While daikon radish is certainly a vegetable, it’s not really the one I would want to build a whole menu around.

Hi all!

No rant from Jonathan I am sorry to say (although my poor beaten up bagpipes are glad to have a month off.) He will not be in attendance this month, and Stephanie has a work event, but the rest of us are ready to play and have some fun.

So… come and see us do our music thing starting at 8 pm at the Free Times Cafe at 320 College at Major Street.

See you there!

Hi:

Late last summer I developed a sharp pain in my right knee when I was climbing stairs (‘oh no,’ readers think, ‘this oldish guy’ – I prefer ‘oldish’ to just ‘old’ there’s something about the ‘ish’ I like or perhaps it’s just the ‘old’ that I dislike – ‘is going to spend this whole missive talking about his ailments, maybe I should bail right now, this is not going to be good.’ I know that’s what you’re thinking but just wait a bit, please).

So, I went to my physiotherapist (having just written that I realize that it does seem a bit pretentious – ‘my physiotherapist’ – like I’m some sort of elite athlete who has a whole team of specialists to keep him in peak physical condition for his important sporting endeavours, including his very own physiotherapist. Looking at it in that context I should say that she’s not really ‘my physiotherapist’ as much as she is the physiotherapist I’ve seen twice in the past twenty years.). Anyway, she made me do some exercises and some things in her gym and then told me that the problem was that I wasn’t walking properly and that I didn’t climb stairs the right way either.

Readers of a certain age (old folks) and movie buffs will likely remember the scene early on in the 1967 film The Graduate (and in this context I’m more the film buff than the person of certain age) where a young Dustin Hoffman, playing Benjamin, just graduated from university and unsure of his future, meets Mr. McGuire (played by Walter Brooke – whose real name was Gustav William Tweer Jr.) at a party. Here, thanks to the magic of Google is that conversation: Mr. McGuire: I want to say one word to you. Just one word. Benjamin: Yes, sir. Mr. McGuire: Are you listening? Benjamin: Yes, I am. Mr. McGuire: Plastics (and if you’re wondering, that one word last line is ranked #42 in the American Film Institute’s list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema).

Something is happening next Sunday, June 16, and it’s not just that Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room is playing the Free Times Café (College just west of Spadina) at 8 pm. Regular readers of these dispatches will know that information about our shows is usually found much further down the page, in the fourth or fifth paragraph after a bunch of perambulating around by me, but I thought “I don’t have to write to some template or formula, I’m a creative guy and I will write what I want and if I want to put the date and time of our next gig in the first line then I’m damn well going to do that and if that makes me a rebel then so be it – I revel in the word rebel.” Although I should say that I have no idea on what world outside of the one in my head could this be at all seen as rebellious.