As I’m sure almost all of you are aware, Toronto recently had its election for mayor. Much ink was spilled discussing the election, contemplating the results, pontificating on its meaning. Despite all that has been said about the election, the real point has been missed. Let me explain.
The three top vote getters in the election were, in order, Tory, Ford and Chow. Despite the emphasis on what made the candidates different there were at least two important things that they shared. First, all of their last names were four letters long. Second, all of their last names were also nouns (a proper noun in one case). It is also true that two of the names were verbs but we’ll leave that for the moment. On top of that, the previous mayor, also a Ford but a different Ford from the one that ended up running (it can get confusing) had a four letter proper noun name.
I became intrigued by this development and so I applied for and received a grant to study this phenomenon. What I found astounded me and will, I believe, blow your mind.
The mayor before Ford was named Miller. True, not a four letter name, but a noun as well. I carried on with my research and hired an assistant with a history degree and she led me to the discovery that the mayor before Miller – the first mayor of the amalgamated Toronto (a story for another time) – was named Lastman. Two words, the latter of which – ‘man’ – is a noun and the first part ‘last’ also a noun; and an adjective and an adverb, which pretty much meant he was a shoo-in for mayor.
Now totally consumed with this project, I abandoned all hope of sleep and assembled a crack team of historians to see if this phenomenon preceded the amalgamated Toronto and what did we discover. The last mayor of the old city of Toronto was named Hall. Yes, four letters and a noun!!!!. What this means is that for the past 20 years –and for at least four more years – Toronto will be governed by a mayor whose last name is also a noun. I told you this would blow your mind.
What does this all this mean? Well, of course it says that if you want to be mayor of Toronto what really matters are not your policies on transit or infrastructure or anything else, but if your last name is also a noun. I never harboured any desire to be mayor, but if I had, this cold dose of reality would cause me to pack up those ambitions. So where do we look for our next mayor?
Might I suggest that the next mayor of Toronto may well be found among the members of Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room? Of the 10 members of the band, two have a real good shot. There is of course Wayne Neon – a four letter noun last name if I ever heard one. Admittedly, Neon might not actually be his real last name, but I can confirm that his real last name too is a noun – though more than four letters. The other incredibly viable candidate is the man for whom the band is named – Gordon Baker. Again, Baker is not a four letter name, but Toronto recently elected a Miller so why not a Baker.
You have a chance to see the next mayor of Toronto in action on Sunday, November 23 at the usual place (the Free Times Café on College just west of Spadina) at the usual time (8 pm) and the usual cost (zip, nada, nothing). While you shouldn’t expect any announcements of mayoral candidacies, after all it’s pretty early in that election cycle, you will get a chance to see the potential candidates in action. And you’ll also get to hear a wide range of music played on a vast array of instruments sung by a multitude of voices. What could be better.
Hope to see you there.
P.S. And just to be clear, the reason our guitar player/singer Gaye Huycke is not a viable mayoral candidate is because even though her last name is pronounced ‘hike’ it’s not spelled that way; so you see your teacher was right after all – spelling does count.
|November 23rd Set List|
|Set #1||Set #2|
|Hector The Hero / Blue Bonnets
Dirty Old Town
Five Days In May
50 Ways To Leave Your Lover
The Baby Tree
I Want To Run
Crazy In The World
When The Last Curtain Falls
Midnight On The Water
One Day At A Time
I Don’t Look Good Naked Anymore
Down In The Boondocks
|Wheel’s On Fire
Eriskay Love Lilt
We Both Know
Just Another Night
Lay Down Sally