June 21st @ Free Times Café

I had a disturbing thing happen to me recently; I discovered I am not worthy of the food I want to buy. Let me explain.

A couple weeks ago I went to my local healthy grocery store – to hide its identity let’s call it The Humongous Kumquat – to buy a loaf of bread. And before I proceed, let me make very clear that the reason the kumquats are so humongous is due solely to excellent organic farming techniques and has nothing to do with the use of any pesticides or GMOs.

Anyway, I’m in the bread aisle, ignoring all the gluten-free breads because gluten is my friend (or at least not my sworn enemy – yet) when I come upon a bread I’ve never seen before. It’s called Superfit 55 Grain Bread. Not only does this bread have all the current grains (wheat, rye, barley, etc.) and all the ancient grains (amaranth and whatever the heck else qualifies as an ancient grain) but also 14 future grains – yes grains that have yet to be officially discovered but are not created through any GMOish activity.

And then, on top of all that, they had cartoon on the wrapper of a guy beating all competition in a marathon. I know that’s what the picture was about because it showed the guy – who clearly had been eating this 55 grain bread because the number on his shirt was 55 with ‘grain’ in small letters below – breaking the tape of a race with the word ‘marathon’ on it and behind him, in the background, were a bunch of cartoon figures bent over gasping for breath. You can see why I had to have it.

So I brought a couple loaves of this incredible bread to the checkout counter and the friendly check out person (I thought he was friendly at the time but clearly he was fooling me) said “So, you’re picking up the Superfit 55 bread.” ”Yes” I replied, because I’m all for stating the obvious. Then he took out some sort of form and said, “Before I can let you buy this I need to ask you a few questions. First how many marathons have you run this year?’ Thinking quickly and not wishing to actually lie, I said “This year I haven’t run any marathons, but you know, the weather hasn’t been great.”

It was clear he wasn’t really buying the answer and so he followed up with “And how many marathons have you run in the past three years?” I thought I might switch things up by saying I was more of a sprinter or perhaps more plausibly, a competitive walker (whatever that is) or maybe change tactics altogether by going after him with “And how many marathons have you run Mr. Noseypants,” but before I could do that the assistant manager, an incredibly fit woman who clearly ran a lot of marathons – it was clear because she wore a t-shirt that actually listed all the marathons she’d run in the last two years – took the bread and said “Sorry sir, perhaps you might want to try something more suited to your needs” and tried to lead me to the high fibre section of the bread aisle. I made a break for it and left the store before I broke down in tears. And to make the story even sadder (if that’s possible) I ended up buying a loaf of Wonder Bread at the IGA – I didn’t know they still made that stuff.

Fortunately, the friendly folks at Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room (and yes, that includes me) encourage all and sundry – especially the sundry – to come to see us perform at the Free Times Café (College west of Spadina) on Sunday, June 21 at 8 pm. Great music (if I do say so myself), lots to eat and drink, no cover, and no forms to fill out. Come and celebrate Father’s Day and/or National Aboriginal Day and/or the summer solstice and/or whatever the heck you want.

Hope to see you there.

Jonathan

P.S. When I said celebrate whatever the heck you want, I’m afraid you can’t celebrate Thank God There Are No Bagpipes Being Played Tonight Day because, sadly, bagpipes will be played (and to be fair to Gus, our bagpiper, he doesn’t play the bagpipes sadly, he’s actually quite perky when he plays).

P.P.S. Check out our latest video – Lodestar – shot at our last show by the amazingly talented John-Marc Hamilton:


June 21st Set List
Set #1 Set #2
Setting Course For Lewis
I Wish I Was Your Mother
Wagon Wheel
Summer Breeze
Phone Company Rag
Dirty Old Town
Boney Fingers
Tunnel Vision
Pair Of Brown Eyes
P Stands For Paddy
Gumboot Cloggeroo
Stop Stop Stop
Unchain My Heart
Sisters Of Mercy
Spanish Pipe Dream
Caledonia
Leaving On A Jet Plane
Roses At The Pow Wow
Still A Part Of Me
Sweet Old World
Queen Of The Silver Sollar
Night Rider’s Lament
Stand By Me
Things We Said Today
Butterfly / Evite Gabriel
When The Night